GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
