just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
