so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
