It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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