i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
