I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
