i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
