you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
