I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
