She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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