Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
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