bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Randomize