Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
