the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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