I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
