On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
