it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
