there's paper in my vomit.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
