I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
