WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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