Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
