five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
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Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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