I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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