Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
