am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
