I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
