well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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