In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
