Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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