So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
