This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
