Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Randomize
