I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
