As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
