I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
so let's talk penis.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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