how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
it glows. i had to have it.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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