but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
