I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
