Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
