it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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