I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
