I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize