I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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