i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
