omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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