he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
