dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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