is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Randomize
