The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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