youre lurking in front of me
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
i drank out of a bidet.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Randomize
