I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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