you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
