i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
