Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
