We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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