Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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