nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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