the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
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My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Shame is for Republicans.
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