you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
