First date: that requires underwear, huh?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
