wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
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I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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