This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
