If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
