He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
