About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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