I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
