look no pants
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
tell me about the fingering
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