College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
