Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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