I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
