i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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