it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
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Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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