just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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