He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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