Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
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