If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
