did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
