So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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