I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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